Not feeling well, as in literally. My bones are aching whenever i touch my arms and my tummy doesn't feel well too. Was supposed to go down to far east with yvonne to pierce our ears, however becos i am not feeling tt's why we post pone it to the other days. So sorry yvonne. Sigh...

All these years i am trying to be perfect in everyone's eyes, but i didn't expect that this way will cause me to have depression. Where's me? It seems like i've lost out there somewhere.. I am not being true to myself. I've been suppressing all those bad comments i've heard from others and trying my best not to allow that to affect me but becos of that... snowball effect and boom, I'm depressed. I don't even know where am i, how should i behave? How long will it take for me to be ok and recover from it?

Everyone is having their internship now. I really wondered did i do the rite thing to defer. All of the sudden i feel that i am not as strong as i used to be, slowly turning into a weakling. Sigh...

24th Sep 2010:
Went to see psychiatrist with my family. I was feeling damn nervous, don know what to say to the doctor. He seemed to be very stern and scary, but after interacting with him, felt so much better and he really did gave me advices that i didn't expect. After that, went over to paragon to have lunch at sushi tei. Ate till damn full! (Y) Can feel my appetite is slowly coming back.

Next, went home and took a short nap before meeting Dear. He bought ice blended lime bubble tea for the both of us. Yummy! But he kept complaining the pearls are hard. Where got??!! =P Because both of us felt damn full, so decided to share dinner tgt. A plate of seafood omelette rice ( i don noe how to spell omelette). Superbly full after that plate of rice. Went back to my house there to slack again till 11.40pm. There's this cat who really likes to sit close to us when we are talking and loves to sit on Dear's lap. Dear couldn't stop disturbing me, ROAR! I will have my revenge one day! >.< And i broke my ring while i slammed my palm damn hard on the table. ZZZZZ

25th Sep 2010
Outing with Dear to Bugis. Actually we intended to go to suntec, but since the bus passed by Bugis, might as well go there because it had been a long time since i visited the place. Went to iluma first and get ourselves a pair of couple rings. WAHAHAHA! Cause the day before, i broke my own ring so Dear suggested we should get it now instead of waiting till our one year anni. =D Slacked at a block where there's a nice view. And HOHO, i finally got my revenge!!! I think? Pfffft!

Walked ard bugis junction before having our dinner at burger king. And my appetite is really back! I can finished eating one whole burger. Cool man. Next, we went to take bus back to woodlands. So nice of Dear, he wanna sponsor me for the yoga lessons. *touched* The bus journey back to woodlands from bugis was damn long, sat till our butt can ache.

Dear wanna buy a new phone because his current phone a bit sot sot. He wanna get those without touch screen and go keypad, cos he wants to have the "feel". Kekeke. Slacked at my place again. And the cat appeared again and sat on Dear's lap. 0.0 cute ttm! Was talking halfway, then police came over and asked for our particulars. zzzzzzzz..... Nvm, neway, Dear told me that he was afraid of me forgetting him when i am working/having test because tt's how i treated him when i was having my Uts. So sorrrrrry! But i know there's no point crying over a bottle split of milk, so must learn from my lesson and shall not repeat the same mistake. DEAR, I WON'T DO IT AGAIN, DON IGNORE OR WENT OFFLINE WITHOUT TELLING ME, OKIE? I love you lots and lots! <3 Altho i feel bad, but then i won't behave like last wed, learn from mistake and crying plus feeling guilty doesn't help, must make amendments. =)

Okie, final decision. Deferment. I don noe whether i've made a right choice but then my mom told me, once i have decided don go and think. Just let it go ba. Alright. Decided to go Dear's house cos he is sick, and i feel like meeting him, so went to his house and bought him some bread in case he haven't eat yet. Slacked at his place before going home. It was just a short trip to see how is he and also, miss him la, tt's why. Ok, i got to go and plan what am i supposed to do for the next 6 months. Yoga? Dancing clubs??? Nvm, go see psychiatrist first. hahahaha....

Defer, i guess. WTF am i thinking?! Which one is a better choice for me?! Someone or somebody pls tell me what to do. I feel so helpless. Why the hell must i got depression when it is the last sem of the year three? WHY? Why must it be this way?! WHY WHY WHY? I seriously don noe what to do... pls.. god... pls.. i really don noe what i can do.

Confused... to continue or defer? I am going crazy... okies, let's give myself some time, go ahead and work. Maybe things will be better this way. Well, i hope so.

Totally unlucky today. Now i am in school using lappy and i am the first one to arrive. Why i said it is unlucky today? Because i dropped my hp while waiting for the bloody super late bus, plus i accidentally stepped on someone's shoe when in bus 169, apologize to tt person and lastly, i nearly tripped when i was walking. Great, what's more for later?? Sigh.... I still feel bad. Nvm, concentrate on my work for today. =(((

Labels: A sad sad post

I intend to write blog everyday so that when i need to do ppt and report for IIP, at least i can rmb and refer to my own blog on what i've learned today. Altho i slept early damn early last nite, however it doesn't seem to be sufficient. Sigh. Neway, report early today, actually i can report at 8.30am but i choose 8am. Wanna get used to it.

Learned the policies and procedures today. And oms (oh my shit)! A lot of things to rmb. I went off to one table and started writing notes. Notes about reporting time, duties of each staff from different counter, how the books are allocated and etc. And after that, off for lunch with my supervisor. One hour break. Next, i went to settle the new arrival books. Tho the boxes are heavy, but it is quite fun to check the new arrivals. And that's all, nth to do so sharen(supervisor) asked me to sit at the central counter and observed. Really nth to do man, i was like kept asking sharen, what can i do now or what am i supposed to do now. Finally, she gave me a task tt almost gave me a headache. Excel again!!! This time round need to plot a pie chart with the numbers tt i've counted. OMS again. Okies la, i rather work than nth to do cos time passes quite fast. When i've finished my task, i still have 30 mins time to knock off. So just stone there but then luckily got Elv talked to me and taught me something new. OH, and i scanned a newspaper news today from lian he zao bao. Trying my best to understand and scan the news, waiting for it to send to the PC. And i sent to the wrong person. HAHAHAHAHA! Whatever~

Today when i was at the bus stop waiting for 969, a rubbish truck drove past the stop and it stinks like hell. Well, at first i am not really sure it is the rubbish truck or was it someone who stepped on dog shit. Board the bus alr, the smell still stuck in my nose throughout the whole journey towards cwp. I tot i was the one who stepped on the dog shit man. YuckS!

FIRST DAY OF MY ATTACHMENT!! Didn't sleep well last nite. My dear even 'zai', slept at 2 but woke up at 5.30am and morning call me. So niceeee of him, xin ku ni le, my dear. =) Bathed and put on make up, had my breakfast and mom passed me an ang bao to wish me good luck. I shall open till the end of attachment. Met Dear in the bus itself. He knew how it feels like to go to work during the first day, tt's why he wanted to acc me.

Reached school damn early so we sat down and chatted for a while before meeting Mrs Chua and my supervisor, Sharen Chua. Friendly supervisor i got, lucky me! First thing in the morning is to read newspaper and look out for news that are related to education. OMG, I DON UNDERSTAND THE CHINESE LIAN HE ZAO BAO! Hahahahaha. After scanning the news, tour ard the library a bit and my heels are extremely NOISY! Tml wear flats to sch since my supervisor did the same thing too. (y)

Was sitting at the south entrance counter there and helped to scan things like ez link card and head phones etc. Damn cool! OH OH OH! And i got my own office table! ALL ON MY OWN. LIKE COOOOOOOL! However got to bring my own lappy tml because it is more faster. Had lunch with Sharen and went back to the central to work. Was sorting and filtering out the books, and hell man, 70 thousands plus of books to sort out sia. But time passes damn fast when u are really engrossed in your work. Finished my work at 6 before i knocked off. Now i am anticipating what i am going to learn tml and also what to put on my own desk. HEHEHEHEHE! Okies, i am crazy. =.=

I guess we finally settled the problem for once and for all. Two weeks time, i can achieve it. =) I won't disappoint my Dear again. Dear came all the way down from Tampines to meet me and had dinner together. Really spent a good time with my Dear and he is really damn sweet and nice. Tt's why i cannot afford to hurt him again. =) OMG, tml is the first day of attachment! And Dear is waking up early to meet me under my blk and send me to sch tml. BIG THANKS TO MY DEAR!<3

Labels: Two weeks

I am the cactus while my dear is the child. He choose to stick on to me even when i am depressed and hope see that i got out of my depression despite the fact that it is hurting him so much. I don noe what to say, but all i know is i will try my best to walk out of it. I feel hurt by the fact tt he is hurt. That's why the cactus cried....I love you, my dear<3






Okies, today got two epic jokes to type in this post. Firstly, communication break down with me and my Dear. He is accompanying me to see the counselor today, so i told him tt we shall meet at the interchange at 12.20pm cos we are taking 169 to RP. And he said okie. Dear reached damn early so i said i will sms him once i am reaching soon. And i actually text him, saying that i am reaching soon, can u sense my aura. After that he called me, i told him to meet at the place where he smoke often. However i don see him as i reached...... then i walked to the other side to check whether was he there, and nope, no sign of him. Therefore i called him

Me: My dear where are you???
Dear: At the place where i often smoke at.
Me: How come i don see you???!! Wait, which interchange are you at?
Dear: yishun
Me: OMG!!!!! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO MEET AT WOODLANDS INTER!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!

Okies la, both at fault. I didn't stated clearly which inter we are supposed to meet and he oso didn't clarify with me too. But we are like two "gundu" lor! FAIL! We were on time for the session so lucky us. =) On the way to vivo city, Dear and I were talking abt some serious stuff, at tt point of time i really feel like crying. Because i felt that i am really selfish, everytime i told Dear to give me time to get over it but i am not doing anything at all. Before we reached vivo, Dear suggested we alighted at hort park first and talked about it. Every thing went fine after we talked, i guess.

Went to vivo and slacked for while before we went for our dinner. Damn full! Slacked again... and i told Dear, let's forget about the past, it's not worth it at all. And he agreed. I am sure i will be able to hit my target on our first year anni. Bus-ed back to cwp and here comes the funny part, but too bad, i cannot share with u all. HAHAHAHA. Internal joke of the day : ceiling fan!!! Dear, you must be laughing out loud when u read this part. kekekek! Slacked and slacked! (Y) Dear suddenly said something out of the blue. He said "i fell in love with you." Didn't expect him to say tt but yea, it brightens up my day. =) Alright, tt's all for today! Nite!

Labels: Start afresh

Frankly speaking, i don noe what am i supposed to do for attachment. I went back to check the mail again, however it seems to be deleted from my inbox. Office wear for work. Got more chance to buy more formal wear. Hahahaha. Okies, i am crazy. Hope everything goes well on monday. =) Hopefully!

Had the last UT for today. Finally!!! It's over. Okies, i don noe whether is it too difficult, tt's why i anyhow do it and end it fast, or was it too easy for me to end early. I have no idea too. Hahahah! But whatever it is, phew, it's over. Went home first and wait for Dear's msg. He planned to give me a surprise today. For me, somehow i know what will be the surprise.

Once Dear reached, he show me what was the surprise. To what i had expected, it's resident evil 4 movie tickets! He woke up so early and went down to plaza sing just to buy the tickets cos he is afraid that a lot of ppl will be watching the movie. Dear woke up the same time as me and wished me good luck for my last UT. Such a sweet guy, i'm so touched. THANK YOU, MY DEAR! =) We had lunch first before meeting his friend for some job lobang at daiso. I think we've revisit daiso about three to four times, just to look for the manager. OMG! But it's okie, besides we have nth to do till the movie starts which is at 4.30pm.

Movie was awesome! I preferred this season than the third season. It is much more better. Had dinner before we headed back to yishun. As usual, slacked till 11.40pm before we go our separate ways. Chatted quite a lot of stuff, which is good, at least we are frank towards each other. =D

I am going to start my attachment on the 20th sep. First day to report is at 8.30am whereas for the rest of the day, it will be 8am till 5.30pm with one hour break in between. I don't know whether should i look forward to it or not. Oh well...... sigh. OH, and THANKS TO MY DEAR ONCE AGAIN FOR THE SURPRISE! Love ya! <3

Labels: Happy happy day

Please, for the sake of ur family, bf and friends, also for urself, liwen, it's time to let go. If u are able to let go, u are free from that depression. I believe you can do it. I am sure. =)

Just reached home after celebrating granny's birthday. This time round lesser members becos they are not in singapore. Feel kinda bored, luckily got dear's messages to keep me entertained. (y) Feel so full after the buffet dinner. MEOW!! I almost puke in the taxi man, too full, really, seriously, it's damn full! Hahahahaha. OK, i am crazy. Tt's all! =)

Woke up early today. It's a surprise day for my dear! Hahahaha, i woke up and had my breakfast before i went to bathe and get prepared. Bus-ed down to tamp and bought breakfast for dear. Next, proceeded to take bus 38 to go to Dear's hse. Alighted at the wrong stop, and i had to walk two more stops before i reached his place. =.=! I called him, telling him " Dear, you can open ur house door alr, the delivery man is here!" And i wrote a note on a piece of paper, saying " Your package! Accept or reject?" Dear told me he is touched by the fact that i surprised altho he alr expecting is me. I just feel bad leaving him at home alone when we are supposed to go out tgt. Went over to his place study and at the same time acc him. =)

Spent like about..... 1 hr? To go thru PRM and god, i really hoped that i didn't skipped sch for two lesson. I don't really understand man. Sigh, so i just went thru whatever i've learned and took a break. Envy* Dear got queen size bed!!!! I wanna have a queen size bed too. =( Lie on the bed for hours and yea, we are the lazy couple. Right after the nua-ing session, we went to tamp one to walk ard first then had dinner before going back to my place. Dear sent me home despite the fact that he stay in tamp, so nice and sweet of him. Slacked under my block and talked about some stuff. Hopefully, everything will be alright in the future. We can make it thru, i believed we can, my dear. Then there's this cat which likes us and slept beside me on where i am sitting. So cute!!!! I feel like taking it home, but too bad, not possible. =( Nvm, it's okie! Alright, tt's all for today. Ciaoz peeps

Labels: I love my BF

Every nite and every morning, my daddy will give me a peck on my cheek. Although he didn't say anything, but i know that he cares and worry for me almost everyday, every min and every seconds. He is my best daddy forever. =)

Labels: I believe in myself

I have to pick myself up again... i am not back to the square one, i've just fell rite in front of the finishing line. Give myself some time to get up and soon, i will reach the finishing line. Face it, liwen, u got to face it alone and help urself. Do not go back to the old self. I can do it, i am sure i can.

Labels: I believe in myself

I've just fell when the finishing line is just rite in front of me. I tot i can continue to fight on and run till i reach the finishing point, but nope. Fell damn hard, too hard for me to get up. All the efforts i've put in.. all gone. I wanna continue the race but i am tired. Exhausted from the running... I shall end it here. Tt's all for today.

Labels: My dear's dream

Labels: True friends

Here are some of the photos we took after our ice cream session. I forgot what are the two flavors we've ordered. Pardon me for that.



Just bathe finished as i came back home not too long ago. After meeting Dear, we went to eat first and next bought the tickets for "The Expendables" at 3pm. Luckily there are seats available. Went back to my place first before the movie starts, so put my bag and we took a nap for a while. When we woke up, Dear insisted on playing Reversi with me. =.= In the end i still lose to him. Took bus 965 back to CWP and the movie was just awesome (Y)!

Had our dinner after that, and we went back to Yishun to slack again. Duh, as usual! Hahahah. Dear kept bullying me!!!! MEOW! One day i shall bully him back. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Chatted abt a lot of stuff under my blk. Like what's our future plans and etc... yea yea, i know it is too early to say tt, but like what Dear said, fantasize it what. (Y) And i realised that if one day i am to marry to him, it is going to be a tedious thing in my life. =X Kekekek, just kidding la okie my Dear? Forgive me! <3 Alright shall type till here. Nite ppl!

In school now, waiting for Dear to reach so i shall start blogging. =) Went back to sch for CMA revision talk. Nvr to expect it to end so early. Like cool nia. Going to watch the expendables with Dear later, but it starts at 3pm. Get the tickets first before going back to my house to put my lappy. Most of the students know which company they are working for attachment, just only me, i don even know what position i am going to work as. Sigh... I don even know if i am ready to go out to work. Fine, nvm, just let nature take its course, what happen will eventually happen. Great, i am having a stomachache now. LOLS! Shall end it here.

Outing with Dear today because both of us have been rotting at home for past few days man. Decided to go to east coast park. The place is super duper relaxing till we don feel like moving and hoping to call for pasta mania delivery. Hahaha, but in the end, we still managed to got our butts up from the bench and went to PP for dinner. FOR ONCE EVER SINCE MY DEPRESSION, I FINISHED A WHOLE PLATE OF PASTA BY MYSELF. It is a good sign, really it is. I know i will get better. =) After dinner, we went to take bus home. While on the journey back, i really feel like peeing, like REALLY cos i drank too much ice lemon tea. =.= Had to stop at bukit panjang and went to toilet. HAHAHAHAHA! Damn epic. Took bus 171 home and slacked with Dear till 11.40pm. Glad to see my Dear after a long time since we've met. <3  Shall end it here, having a headache. Ciaoz ppl

Labels: I believe in myself

Claris Soh
2nd july 91

=D





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